In Memorium

On Monday, June 2, at 2:35 a.m., Lance's mother, my mother-in-law, Mary Davis passed away and is now in her heavenly home with her Savior and Lord Jesus Christ. We had visitation at the funeral home on Tuesday evening with graveside services Wednesday morning. Since we did not have a memorial service, I wanted my sisters-in-law, Cindy and Connie, my husband Lance, and her grandchildren to have one last memory of their mother and grandmother beside the one of her lying in the nursing home devastated by Alzheimer's. Since I am an emotional person a friend gave me some of her "drugs" to get through the following eulogy I gave at the grave site. Mary was a special lady and thankfully I enjoyed a wonderful relationship with her. Although she has long been removed mentally and emotionally from our family, she will be missed.

Eulogy for Mary Benfonte Baria Davis
May 28, 1923-June 2, 2008
June 4, 2008

I think most of you here know who I am, but if you don’t, I am D.K. Baria, Lance’s wife, Mary’s daughter-in-law. If you read the paper yesterday you read the basic facts of Mary’s life here on this earth. She was a daughter, sister, wife, mother, mother-in-law, grandmother, great grandmother, god mother, and to many of you here today a friend.

Last, week Lance and I were married 34 years, 34 years that allowed me to love Mary as my other mother. She welcomed me into her family with love and caring that many daughters-in-law never get to experience.

I know you are familiar with Chapter 31 in Proverbs that extols the virtue of a good wife and mother. I would like to read a passage from that chapter beginning with verse 25 and ending with verse 31:

She is clothed with strength and dignity;
she can laugh at the days to come.
She speaks with wisdom,
and faithful instruction is on her tongue.
She watches over the affairs of her household
and does not eat the bread of idleness.
Her children call her blessed;
her husband also, and he praises her;
Many women do noble things.
but you surpass them all.
Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting;
but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.
Give her the reward she has earned,
and let her works bring her praise at the city gate.

Mary was truly the woman described in this passage. Even though she was a Yankee from Rochester, New York, she very quickly assimilated into the southern way of life and could have easily have been called a steel magnolia. She was a woman of character with a sense of modesty that most women today do not have. She had a sense of humor and loved a joke better than anyone. She was a faithful friend and a constant in time of sorrow. She loved her family but parented with a sense of order and expectancy. She married twice and was widowed twice. But most importantly, she was a Christian who loved God and practiced her faith everyday of her life.

Many of you may not know what a true woman of strength she was. After high school, she trained as a navy nurse and ministered to the servicemen who were wounded in battle. During this service, she met her first husband F.L. Baria. They married and moved to Oxford, where she worked to support them so he could complete Pharmacy school. They moved to the delta and eventually settled in Itta Bena. She lost her first born son who is buried in this family plot. She later had three children and then had to care for their father as he fought the battle against polycystic kidney disease, a battle he lost, leaving her a single mother with three children. Through her involvement in the Itta Bena community, she developed a relationship with Cleveland Davis, better known as Dooney, whom she later married. Not long after their marriage, she developed tuberculosis and was separated from her family for a period of time in the sanatorium in south Mississippi. After being allowed to come home, she was diagnosed with diabetes which continued to be a major part of her health problems. She then was diagnosed with breast cancer and had to suffer the indignity of a mastectomy. Dooney suffer a stroke, and she cared for him at home never allowing home health to come into her home for assistance, all the while continuing to work. Then she was widowed for a second time.

Through all of this, she never complained, she never asked why, she never gave up, she never blamed God. She accepted the lot that was cast for her with grace, beauty, and dignity. Through it all, she loved and supported her family, she practiced her faith, and she interacted with her community. With her passing so close to Memorial Day, I feel I would be remiss if I didn’t mention one of my memories of Mary. When she was a member of the Cemetery Association, for the Memorial Day recognition, she would always help place the small flags on the graves of the deceased veterans. She was a long time member of the Ladies Auxiliary of the American Legion, so I think it is truly appropriate that she be given the recognition from the military today.

The most crushing blow came for our family when she began to succumb to the ravages of dementia and Alzheimer’s. They took a once beautiful and vibrant woman and reduced her to the shell of a woman she became before her death. We often wondered how much she could stand, and even more so, how much we could stand. But as she had done many times before, we fell in the arms of our Lord and gave her and ourselves over to His plan for her. We often questioned why she had to suffer the indignity of this disease, and we often prayed for mercy for her. But just as she knew, and as we all know, God’s plan is perfect, all in His own time.

So now we rejoice, knowing she made a mark on this earth, but even more so knowing she believed in Jesus Christ as her Lord and Savior. In the words of the psalmist:

Therefore my heart is glad and my tongue rejoices;
my body will also rest secure,
because you will not abandon me to the grave,
. . .
You have made known to me the path of life;
you will fill me with joy in your presence;
with eternal pleasures at your right hand.
Psalm 16: 9-11

We thank all of you who have offered your support and prayers in this later journey of our mother’s life. We ask your continued prayers for our family as we continue our journey without her.